The Christmas Poem

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the MPAD
Not a soldier was stirring, not even a tad
Duffels were packed in the conex with care
Now all the wall lockers at Fort Dix were bare

The troopies were nestled all snug in their beds
With best left unmentioned what danced in their heads
The Major and top now done with their tests
Had just settled down for some well deserved rest

When outside the window arose such a clatter
Top sprang from his bunk to see what was the matter
He flew to the window at such a fast pace
He tripped on some boots and fell flat on his face

He picked himself up and rubbed a sore nose
And peered out the window at the scenery below
When what to his wandering eyes should appear
But nine stumbling soldiers full of liquor and beer

One lost their footing and knocked over a trash bin
He knew in a moment that these must be his
Loud as an air horn his soldiers they came
So he hollered and shouted and called them by name

Hey Zoeller, hey Taylor, hey Risner and Johnson
Fardette, Burrell, Logue, Heise and Anderson
Get off the table, don’t pee on that wall
Get up here right now before you wake us all

Fast as a snake strike the soldiers they turned
Their eyes fell on top and all stomachs churned
So up to the barracks the soldiers they flew
With rubbery legs and mud covered shoes

And then in a twinkling, top heard on the stairs
A great big commotion like a pack of wild bears
As he drew in his head and was turning around
The hallway became filled with strange whale sounds

They were dressed all in civvies from head to foot
With glazed over eyes, standing straight as they could
Top looked them over and then shook his head
As every door opened with troops up from bed

The major ground her teeth, the LT’s they glared
And everyone else in disbelief stared
But the group in the middle only giggled and grinned
And a ridiculous tale they started to spin

We were minding our business as nice as you please
When all of a sudden there was a light breeze
And from out of nowhere, a figure appeared
With a great big ole’ belly and a white bristly beard

We figured at once that it must be St. Nick
So we walked up to him and we chatted a bit
He was in a tight spot for the map that he had
Showed no address for the 211th MPAD

So we helped him out and got him out of his funk
And in gratitude, he got us all drunk
But since there’s no chimney here for a proper insertion
We all raised a ruckus to provide a diversion

First sergeant let out a sigh and prepared to yell
When Alperin rushed forward with a story to tell
Hold everything, he exclaimed with cheer
Look in your rooms, our presents are here

Everyone looked and found out it was true
For gift wrapped presents occupied every room

Top glanced out the window and caught a sight of St. Nick
As his sleigh flew away with a speed mighty quick
But he heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
Merry Christmas to y’all and have a good night